“My mom is a real pain in the ass” is probably the first thing Danielle said to her friends when she got on the bus. I did the very thing that teachers hate—sent her off to school angry and upset. My apologies in advance to all of her teachers.
BUT, I am soooo tired of Danielle’s casualness and lackadaisical attitude toward her schoolwork topped off with the “I know everything attitude” argghhhhh. Is this the pre-teen thing? If so, it’s really not working for me.
Let me say in advance that it’s probably all my fault, though. I probably built her confidence up so high that now she thinks that she doesn’t have to work for anything. Also, I will advocate for her in a second so maybe that’s enabling the behavior. I am such a go-getter and she prefers to cut corners and I can’t stand it !! I’m totally a learner and she thinks that she has the whole world figured out and I can’t stand it !!! Can we bypass pre-teen and go straight to the college years.
Being the person that I am–I check her grades and assignments constantly online. To my horror, I saw a big giant F on a science lab and a C on a math test. WHAT????!!!! After she studied and did a million problems at home beforehand. AYYYYYYYYY. After my initial freak out, I asked her if she had the paper. She did and yes, it was balled up, which led to my 2nd freak out of the evening.
Being the data person that I am 🙂 I began to look carefully at her work and realized that she did, in fact, know the content but alas…she didn’t document it the way the teacher wanted or frankly, the way she should have. Okay, cool. She can fix this. I went to an Ivy League school and I learned how to do this expertly.Just do what the teacher wants and you’ll be fine. I gave her some tips: Yes, restate the question even though it’s a waste of time. Yes, organize it in a particular way so it looks pleasing to the teacher. Yes, write more neatly so she can actually read it (this is a big one). However, my altruistic comments and willingness to help was met with a super duper attitude, complete with (gasp) eye rolling and I think I heard her think, “my mom is a pain in the ass!”
So, being the person that I’m striving to be–I let it go until morning. When I tried to revisit the conversation, Danielle gave me so much attitude that I lost it. The bang your fists on the table and say mean things like ‘go ahead and get another F’ because you seem to like them’ – lost it. ewww. not good. I’m earning an entry into her journal as we speak.
I honestly did feel bad about losing control but I am so over dealing with her attitude and malaise around working hard. I don’t have patience for that. I slammed 3 nurses at the Heart Hospital for the same thing so you know that I don’t want to deal with it with my own child. So hmmm, what do you do when it’s your child that’s plucking your last nerve and better yet, going down a slippery slope to academic purgatory (where once you get there you’re pretty much stuck–especially as a kid of color) ?? Help me Jesus not to mush her in the face.
How do you make a kid work hard when all they want to do is cut corners? Do I spend too much time enabling this behavior and way of working b/c I advocate so much for her? Are honors classes too much? Does she have trouble focusing? What gives??
I’m really trying NOT to be a reincarnation of my own parents around schooling b/c after all, that was not pleasant to say the least. I remember staying up until my work was tight with a dare not to use the eraser (that was an instant-do over). no mercy. BUT a little LaVerne and a little Ray might be the very thing that this pre-teen needs. She better get strapped in b/c she’s about to hit some turbulence. I just hope that the table is strong enough to withstand a few more slams.